Don’t Make Assumptions

I made an assumption in 2018 that almost killed me

I had just closed a real estate deal representing a soon-to-be separated couple, so the wife could have her own home. They depicted their split as amicable.

After the post-close complications of the deal, the husband asked me to coffee. This isn’t unusual after closing a deal. I fully expected his wife to join us.

She didn’t.

He presented me with a rose and asked me out over our coffee.

I told him I don’t date married men.

He told me his wife already had “a girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know she was gay!” I replied. He nodded, affirming my assumption.

But he didn’t say, “Yes, she is gay.”

The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.

— Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements

I jumped right in with all kinds of assumptions.

The marriage dissolved because he’s hetero and she’s gay!

He was never fully satisfied with an incompatible partner!

She looked in other places for natural sexual satisfaction!

And on and on.

Now I do not believe she is or ever was gay